im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
