I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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