for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Im part way to drunk.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
