Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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