the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
