What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
