her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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