i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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