guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Boobs are out for the taking
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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