She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
