i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
