Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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