i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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