We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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