I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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