She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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