I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
