Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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