I'm eating all of the evidence.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
