I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
