i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
