She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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