this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
