$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize