He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
