no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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