Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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