Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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