I never want to see another naked old woman again.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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