my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
