I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
