I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
