I got chris browned last night
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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