This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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