so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
