I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
