Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
