I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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