I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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