Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
