Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
