If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Farmville is her only friend.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
