theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
