"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
