If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
