Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize