he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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