Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
