And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
