She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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