Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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