maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
