A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
