you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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