He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
