I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Randomize
