I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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