happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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