Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
even my farts smell like vagina
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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