Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Randomize
