Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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