im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
