I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
