i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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