There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
