I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
