There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I love you. Go after that dick
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
